Scout Tzofiya Bolton

Sick as fuck in two senses of the expression

But yes if you see me and I'm wearing a thick gold chain I expect you to compliment me on how fabulous it looks or I'll fuckin rush ya

No coincidence that before prison I never wore trainers at all but on release I was like "I got SUCH A GOOD PRICE on these limited edition Adidas Gazelles in Excellent Condition and the good news is, I know how to wash them in the washing machine inside of a pillowcase held closed with a scrunchie"

My friend said to me yesterday, "I see you're wearing a gold chain. That's very Burnley of you" and I was like bro I did time, I was inside yeah, I was doing some hard fuckin bang-up yeah, and those girls inside yeah, looked fresh as fuck in their gold chains right, and their fuckin TRAINERS

This is the second time I've had confirmed Covid and it just surprises me every single day. It's like a Milk Tray box of symptomology. Today for example I couldn't taste my matcha latte but tomorrow, who knows, maybe I'll fucking turn into one

to find out who your real friends are, become an insufferable monomaniac and see who still hits you up these days knowing you're gonna need to talk about that same shit over and over. also a good way to find out if you need to go back to therapy

Unfortunately the only way to listen to my weekly show is to be arrested and put in prison, which I wouldn't recommend! But if you search "scout Bolton" on BBC Sounds there'll be a few things that come up :)

Covid day 3: still running a fever BUT have rediscovered Desperate Housewives on Disney+ !!! I loved this show at the time but I get what it's *doing* now and I love it even more

okay so i managed to clean all the dye off the bath but my bath mat is now bright purple which is, as Bob Ross would say, a hhhhhhappy accident

They go to bed with Gilda and wake up with me

I got doctor certified covid btw so you all have to be so nice to me. I've been taken down in my prime. I wish I were a girl again, half savage, hardy and free. You have to open the window Nelly, let me get one breath of it

Take the bins out. Go food shopping. Collect prescription. Now it's bin day again. Which bin though. Accidentally forgot prescription. Okay got it. Ok now they've added a new bin to events. It is purple. It is for your sad thoughts. Go food shopping. Now it's Christmas and you forgot ELF ON A FUCKI

Recorded a special show last week to keep in the archives, made a joke about "if you're listening to this it means I've been taken back to bed by my agonies" and then contracted covid a comedically short time later

"They're like... imagine they're ghosts haunting you from a past that never happened. Imagine the space age has been and gone and you miss it. And Broadcast are letting you be nostalgic for that. And for the future, which may or may not exist. Also, so like you know Modernism? Okay, so in 1890..."

playing anything by Broadcast on my show is delightful because I adore them, but then I have to try and describe them as I introduce them, and it always comes down to, "I dunno man youv'e just gotta listen to them and then something will click and you'll get it, but I cannot explain it"

i really don't need Dropbox to be down now that it's 3:44am which for me is the middle of the fiscal day

All Fours by Miranda July was transformative for me. It validated so many things, made sense of an ever confusing world.

I've decided to get the living fuck over it, once and for all. There, I've declared it now, so it's real. Just like bankruptcy or war

I asked my tarot cards to tell me what the hell is wrong with me and it told me I have "shiny object syndrome" (according to various interpretations)

yeah yeah yeah it's all very well and good becoming a *darling* but do you know how many velvet turbans i now have to own

Gus played a piece of music on the organ this evening that he wrote, it was called "Trip to Chicago, Cold Weather: You Have Already Packed Everything" and it did just sound like that, it really really did

Do we all agree, after watching the Netflix doco about America's Next Top Model, that the woman who "got drunk and cheated on her boyfriend" was in fact raped? Like we can all see that plain as day right

Christian Brothers by Heatmiser is up there

My new book, coming out early next year, is me basically putting my schizoaffective disorder to work. If it's going to say shit about me and make me feel weird then it's about time it started paying rent. Write a book for me, you utter dickhead. Earn your keep.

THE WORST THING IS THAT PEOPLE ARE MAKING AI EPSTEIN FILES when the real ones are already so fucking shocking and appalling? Is that not enough for you guys? You're thirsty for even worse pedo content than before and you want to spread misinformation? Fucking why? Are you on glue?!

I showed my friend a selfie I took when in London for work the other day, and he said, "you're serving a full buffet of cunt". And once upon a time I'd have been appalled. But he's right. That look was so cunty

Am I having my Elliott Hour right now? Well I'm glad you asked. It's the *key changes* in fact. Shine on me baby, cause it's raining in my heart 🎵

Better than any musician, you think I meant. No

Coming back to say this happened beautifully this morning at 7:30am, Baruch HaShem

I have to return some videotapes