Maddie (delicious, nutritious)

They won't even let you in the Academy if you're not into jazz.

Wow, Iran was right on the money about how America only has fictional heroes.

If only there was some kind of profession full of people who trained to understand medicine and apply medical care to people.

Labour's unfamiliar with the concept of cleaning house because they'd never kick someone out for bigotry. The only way to get kicked out of Labour is by not wanting to starve children.

Wow, attacking American bases during a war with America? Gosh, what were they thinking?

*watching him salute a portrait of Hitler* It's fine actually. I've studied WW2 for years and I didn't even know Germany had a leader.

If you want a functional society, evangelicals should have less representation. Preferably zero.

There's no more substance here than that two broad political groups have independently decided that you're a bunch of fucking wankers. Get used to that.

Are elder millennials off the hook for destroying Britain and the entire world yet? I need to know if I'm classed as an adult yet or if I need more grey hairs.

Blaming kids for the way you raised them is a classic, but especially funny to do to people who are now up to 30 years old.

Well, everyone's already seen Masters of the Universe, and The Chipmunk Adventure inexplicably has 75%.

"And are they as contemptuous of court as he is?"
"Who?"
"The mum and the sister."
"Same person."

That's a good attitude that I should probably try and internalise. I have to admit it's not all terrible. I have a little lute bit I did that I can't believe I managed.

That's weird because it's not like Seth MacFarlane has ever given a shit about accurate impressions before.

Wait, are you saying you've prepared for the thing we've been threatening to do over and over for fifty years? Isn't that against the rules?

I could become a hat guy.

Nadine Dorries spending nearly five grand to look like Nadine Dorries is just superb.

I'm absolutely convinced half of you get off to way more fucked up shit than the stuff you're trying to ban. I just think it'd be nice to know what it is before the literal boner police start breaking down people's doors to arrest them for being horny in a distasteful way.

I think before the Labour Party tells the entire nation what they are and aren't allowed to jack off to, we need to see the porn searches of you and all your colleagues so we can judge what fucked up shit turns you all on.

Wow, I can't believe the plan to kill their children until they rebel didn't work.

Poop bug. It's a bug type and evolves into big poop bug.

I think dumping thousands of US troops in the Iraqi desert and making them march into Iran across the Zagros mountains for several days would be an incredible lesson for everyone involved.

Depends on how easy it is to disguise bangs with an hour's notice I guess.

I'm well overdue for my biannual hair cut and I still haven't decided if I should get bangs or bite the bullet and get a men's cut.

I had a listen to some of the dungeon synth stuff I tried making a year or so ago and it is rooooough but I guess I could've done worse.

Sometimes have to remind myself that just because I'm not a great writer doesn't mean I shouldn't write, just because I'm not a great artist doesn't mean I shouldn't draw, and just because I'm not a real musician of any kind doesn't mean I shouldn't make horrible atonal dins that make you puke.

Iran has the chance to do the funniest thing.

If she really wants to be seen as sensible and making tough choices she should try crushing a human skull in her bare hands while cackling madly in front of the camera. That'd do it.

You'll forgive me if I'm not entirely convinced you have the best interests of children as your top priority.

So you're also going to ban twitter, the app which allows anyone to make indecent images of children? To protect the children? What? You're not? Oh, how interesting.