Chris Keilman | Author

Did not know Bass Pro shops were just red pilled Adventureland.

i feel like this is all happening cause we stopped pumping up the jam

Something about trying to read an article from 2022 to understand “multiple slurp juices on a single ape” only to find that the tweets referenced have been deleted because the accounts associated with them have been... “milkshake duck'd"?

Just trying to do the cromulent thing here.

NEW THINGY
#WRITER

Thoughts at the climax of my novel. I'm three scenes away from finishing my middle grade paranormal mystery. Here's what's on my mind.

open.substack.com/pub/ckanomal...

"Not judging, but--"
[Judges profoundly]

"What problem are you solving?"
Me:

When you see cookies with "healthy" branding and like the Private Music font and you're like, okay this is probably going to be made with cassava flour or sone shit and then it out its just regular-ass wheat flour and you're Ike GET IT TOGETHER, EARTH FARMS

Celebrities need to stop having siblings.

Like, there’s another Franco?

I don’t think so.

That’s a franc-no.

Honestly, I know some people using Substack, and it seemed like a good choice for beginners. But I may change as my needs change

Billy Corgan would rather believe that the CIA and the "wizard behind the curtain" destroyed rock music in the Late 90s than accept that he was simply waning in relevance around that time. #Corganmaxxing

Apparently the 12 step business meeting is a very fraught affair. Who knew getting a bunch of deeply messed up people in a room together and make decisions would lead to chaos?

#newsletter #substack #lol

Guys can't believe Bob Belcher just burgermogged the McDonalds CEO

#burgermogging #McDonalds #bobsburgers

The office snacks have quietly shifted to Kirkland. DONT THINK WE HAVEN'T NOTICED

#xfiles

#AI

Time-lapse of various species of mushrooms growing

Original post

You knowe what ys goinge to reallye helpe the worlde? Anothir goddamn phone from Apple.

Brought my baby boy to the park 🐇🌼

I’ve seen enough. Not about the election. Just generally.

Everyone becomes magically stupider the minute they walk into a Trader Joe's. No idea how it happens. They see the elote dip and shrink wrapped zucchini and boom. Zero spatial awareness.

ITS AN AD
FOR A NEWSLETTER
(weirdly proud of my Canva skills here)

Responding to every Slack message with "TO WHAT END"

If her parents don’t get it together and honor her vibrant inner world and passion for amigrumi, so help me God.

#booksky #middlegrade

An illustration of Studio Ghibli's Howl eating a star

star eater #art (wallpapers below!)

A few years ago I took a trip up to the woods in Northern California and everyone asked me if I was going to eat an edible or psychedelics. That wasn't the plan. No disrespect to how people live, but I found it odd that the notion of just being in nature seemed like a foreign concept to people.

Lord help me. I’m trying to write a thing for my newsletter, and it’s starting to get the cadence of a staccato LinkedIn manifesto.

Writing a novel is like Mario 3.
The first levels are pretty easy.
And then it gets REAL.

#writer #amwriting #supermario

What's like the worst concept for an escape room?