Ramblings of a Knight

Wow... Wowwowwowwowwow
I say to myself out loud looking at art hoping nobody hears that because of how dumb I sound

Thanks for putting up with me
I am having a hard time

I am having violent thoughts I cannot stop them. And then I go from an outburst of Anger to Deep Sadness in a second... I'm fucked

I feel Disgusting and Fatigued how do people just

Function normally?

Still a bit Depressed honestly but I am making progress with some things at least

2020 has probably been the best year for me in recent History honestly

I swear this isn't a cry for help

Vampire/Princess
{Goth/Angel}

Just remembered people have called me pretty in the past and like OMG I don't get it but I am very flattered

I am... Hopeful for today?
I don't know why though

There are things I feel I have to hide from people out of shame, out of fear people will abandon me and I'll be alone again

I worry a lot about being too clingy and that how I express affection makes others uncomfortable

I need to accept more than people do actually like me

And that I am not an annoying as I think I am

I do kinda miss having a partner but I am also aware I am not in the right position to find a new one...

I really haven't brought up Shadow much because how do you explain you have a woman inside your head without people thinking worse of you?

Sorry I have been so Negative, Depression sucks

I am really bad at consoling people I think, which is rather bad with how much I want to comfort people when things go bad

I feel sick and stressed and I am having some dangerous thoughts I want to just go away

I feel so dumb being negatively impacted by targeted ads trying to sell me fucking beef jerkey. It shouldn't get to me like this but it is...

I'm terrible with even constructive negativity, it just so often feels so intense akin to a poison

Had a weird Fucked up nightmare about the Horrors placed on Women in Society Earlier today... I hate that a noticeable amount of my dreams are nightmares.

I wish I wasn't such a coward
I wish I didn't care what people thought of me

I would love to not be so infused with Anxiety
I am getting slightly better I suppose

Part of me hopes the Partner Pokémon are Bipedal again because people are always so weird about it

A different part of me feels bad for thinking that though...

I can't be fucked hiding likes here, I am already selective as to who I let in anyway

This is nowhere near the first time he has been Physically and Mentally abusive, just the first time I have photographic evidence of it.

I actively got bruised by what my father did on Friday, then metaphorically wounded by everyone defending him.

I just want to stop hurting
I just want to be free
I'm not evil enough for this level of torment
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

I am so desperate for physical attention, I must seem incredibly needy...

The world is kinder than I believe... the biting remarks are only in my head

I fear I am weaker than my friends around me. How do they put up with such Cowardice