We busted the piñata hours ago, but the candy still comes. Waves and waves of Hubba Bubba, Tootsie Rolls, and Dum Dums from a shattered papier-mache Labubu skull. "'Tis God's Judgement," my neighbor said as he was crushed by an avalanche of sweets. I just rolled my eyes. What a fucking drama queen.
It's Friday night so you know what that means: The Shadow Bastard will oil his muscle men in our backyard and the cops will do nothing because, "It's hot shit, bro."
We busted the piñata hours ago, but the candy still comes. Waves and waves of Hubba Bubba, Tootsie Rolls, and Dum Dums from a shattered papier-mache Labubu skull. "'Tis God's Judgement," my neighbor said as he was crushed by an avalanche of sweets. I just rolled my eyes. What a fucking drama queen.
Is your blood delicious?
Nephew is selling pest control services door to door so he's paying me ten bucks a day to wander neighborhoods shirtless covered in bulbous gray ticks screaming "MY BLOOD! MY MIXED-RACE BLOOD! PARASITE NECTAR! YOU'RE NEXT!" and it's the most job satisfaction I've had in years.
We got hold of one of those creatures they milk NyQuil from. Drink it pure. We enter an Ultra Sleep and give the common cold a nightmare so fucked up it blows its brains out with a tiny gun.
Neighbor wanted me to come over to discuss the tactile pleasures of horse hair but my good friend Humpty Dumpty is trying to rebrand himself as The Shattered Man and is releasing an album called "Pink Floyd Don't Know Shit 'Bout Walls" and I'm just too upset so I had to decline.
Why hasn't Gwyneth Paltrow sold limited editions of her severed head in a box yet? Different boxes. Different hairstyles. She's leaving money on the table, folks.
I asked ChatGPT if this was a good post and it said that Jesus Christ was a Pokémon.
Neighbor wanted me to come over to discuss the tactile pleasures of horse hair but my good friend Humpty Dumpty is trying to rebrand himself as The Shattered Man and is releasing an album called "Pink Floyd Don't Know Shit 'Bout Walls" and I'm just too upset so I had to decline.
I’m all or nothing. I know no other way of being.
Went to a parking lot carnival and lost all my teeth in a game of chance.
My ventriloquist dummy, Nephew T. Niece, has been stealing blood from people and injecting it to become human and it fucking worked.
Yes, I whisper, “You’re such a good boy and I love you,“ to my beard while I brush it in the morning. This is in no way strange and is in fact a cornerstone of ethical masculinity.
Oh, sure. Because it’s a really good movie and Bob Hoskins is great.
If you're looking for a good movie to watch then I recommend The Long Good Friday starring Bob Hoskins and Helen Mirren. I will not elaborate further.
Watching that episode of Unsolved Mysteries where Robert Stack announced that he killed the criminal known as Bigfoot.
I think that bug that crawled into my ear ate all my nightmares. Or at least ate the part of my brain that makes nightmares. Either way, I've been sleeping like a baby.
Watching that episode of Unsolved Mysteries where Robert Stack announced that he killed the criminal known as Bigfoot.
Heaven Is A Place On Earth would be good too.
The first chef to kiss his fingers like that was actually kissing his naked sock puppet girlfriend in a brassy display of public filth.
My ventriloquist dummy, Nephew T. Niece, has been stealing blood from people and injecting it to become human and it fucking worked.
In waiting room for Doctor’s appointment. The tv just plays commercials for the health system. It just played one about a small donkey named Ms. Sassy May being led around the offices and drinking soda. Real life, brother. Nothing beats it.
I took one photograph where I look normal and people are calling to congratulate me.
I ate Taco Bell before going to bed so I could dream about that horse again.
Someone has manufactured and distributed tiny Freddy Krueger gloves to the raccoons in the neighborhood. Some have suggested the raccoons made them themselves but Jesus God Please let it not be so.
I don’t know why but I wish Carl Sagan had done a spoken word rendition of American Girl by Tom Petty. It’s just something I want to listen to.
He’s everybody’s friend. They just don’t know it yet.
I ate Taco Bell before going to bed so I could dream about that horse again.
Ambient Murder
