leesh

its kind of crazy idk, spending more energy being upset with me then it is to simply show some type of support and understanding :/

setting boundaries is so hard. lately members of my family have started being really cruel to me. but i get that it’s bc ive set these boundaries based on choices im making for my own mental health and capacity. but still, it doesn’t make it any easier.

i wish they would support me instead.

im completely burned out and it doesn’t even matter, bc everyone else’s life is more important and i have to show up.

i get this post is subconsciously prompted. we all know the answer. but maybe it would be nice to know that someone else shares the same thoughts, deals with the same things

that someone is just as lonely as i am

do you ever wonder if you stopped reaching out what that would mean for your relationship

so they share enough with you in return, do they share unprompted about the things that are hard for them, the things they love, the type of day they had, if they thought of you at all

how often do you talk

do you worry about texting first too often, or about sending too many messages. do you worry about being a burden, about being annoying. do you worry about being too much to handle, too damaged, too sad, too emotional

can i ask a real question

if you’re friends with someone, like someone who you both consider to be one of your best friends, someone you have memories, have shared birthdays and have traveled with and knows things about you that other people don’t know

how often do they reach out to you

😂😂😂🤣🤣

in my brain spirit 😭😭😭

im so ill rn and no one irl is noticing

im still struggling a little bit but i am feeling better thank you for checking on me 💓💓💓

miss you clairey 🫂💕

thanks ally 🩷🫂

idk what to do. im feeling like unless i reach out first, my friends and family forget that i exist.

people always leave.

i noticed i started pulling away, and now it’s pretty obvious that im not as invested in that group anymore either

ive been limited with the direction for my main character and it doesn’t feel exciting anymore. this makes me sad bc i put so much work into that character over these months

i started writing in an RP group on forums with some previous creative writing friends. ive really enjoyed my time there. just writing again, writing something different, in someone else’s world where i just have to show up.

lately ive felt a lack of muse there :/ it’s not toxic or anything but

i left this writing space unsure if i would come back, honestly. i wanted to keep writing but i didn’t want to stay here, in the mess of what it all became.

idk if i can be considered “back” but im writing a fic that is currently sitting at 131k on the draft so that has to mean something…

cute

feels nice to write jikook again

🫂

videos and photos unsent, an entire life that no one ever saw or cared to ask about, always assuming you were okay, that she liked her silence, liked her loneliness, that she was distant on purpose, that she didn’t have anything to share to begin with.

see another video or listen to another voice note or react to another photo. the worst is when you save it to your phone instead and close the app in silence, feeling lonely bc you are, admiring it by yourself, realizing that if you were to vanish today, that your phone would be filled with so many—

the worst is when you make a video or take a photo bc something excited you, you go to share it on whatever platform you used and you’re looking at the list of usual people you’d send these things too. but suddenly you feel like you’ve bothered them enough today, that they probably don’t want to—

check on your depressed friends

maybe things will be different next year, a part of me really hopes so. bc i love writing fanfics with my whole heart, i love writing jikook, i love them, i love all seven of my boys. i really do hope inspiration strikes me soon.

for the last few years, whenever janaury shows up, i’ve said to myself, “this is probably the last year for me”. somehow ive managed to hold on to hope, post when i can, but the inspiration just isn’t there like it used to be. logging into this fandom everyday is stressful. posting is stressful.

tbh i have started writing elsewhere, away from fanfics. it feels…freeing.

i don’t know when i’ll be back to writing about my favorite boys falling in love over and over again, except for the xmas fic im writing for mina. so i guess we do have something to look forward to…