We can't have nice things
09.03.2026 19:18
👍 5
🔁 1
💬 0
📌 0
We can't have nice things
Hmmm, let’s see… I recommend a shiny green apple in a tree with a shiny green snake, & a sign that says, “God forbids leprechauns to eat these green apples.”
That kind of trap has a 100% success rate, I hear.
Maybe that’s what my Pomeranian was doing when he used to dance along the counter on his hind feet. We called it his “roast intimidation ritual,” as he tried to convince it to fall into his mouth, but maybe he was glorifying the turkey the whole time! 🤷🏻♀️
Ooh, we do that! It’s fantastic!
Are these the ones Harper funded through IDU? If so, no thanks!
🤬
Yes, FN used to trade for beads; then they learned we were ripping them off. Now they ask for 💵
Can’t force ‘em into rez schools then complain that they successfully learned our capitalist ways!
If a white guy lived on valuable land, he wouldn’t trade it for trinkets. Why should anyone else?
I wonder how Jennifer determines who else has consumed Halal meat so she can avoid associating with them?
Our local KFC serves Halal chicken. It’s tasty!
Do they sell Halal detectors on Amazon—or is she just going by skin tone?
Just curious, because I’m white, Jen… 👀
& also kinda evil…
What a sick fuck. I was only 9!
Imagine having to pick up your “wife” from the church hall each week in her Brownie uniform, drive her across town for piano lessons, & make sure she gets her homework done (because that was my life as a 9yo)—after she cooks & cleans & services you, presumably. 🤦🏻♀️
Tough call, but I’ll vote #4. The new ways parents find to fuck up their kids never ceases to astound.
Translation?
I’m amused by his very vaginal cutaway diagram of the evil lunar overlord. 😆 That can’t be coincidence!
Quincy gives big incel energy.
“It wasn’t rape, Your Honour. You see, it was full moon, so the intergalactic parasites demonically possessing her emitted lust & chaos frequencies which FORCED me to whoosh my loosh. It was all beyond my control!”
The dude pacing around behind her like his bus is late is my absolute HERO for giving zero fucks about the bullshit she’s spewing! 🤣 Just another public transit lunatic to him.
😳 White folks really shouldn’t rap.
(Did #QueenRomana lend Trump one of her special forces soldiers?)
This is DJT’s latest “spiritual advisor,” giving 🇨🇦’s Faytene Grasscheschi a run for her money. Definitely worth a listen, if you dare. Brink of insanity
Paula has a very, um…colourful history.
Not yet, but I’ve been slowly getting acquainted with other Canadian social media: Eh!, NorthSocial, & Hey Café. Interested to try Gander too.
Well, yes & no. On one hand, it won’t really affect your fertility since it’s…ahem…a little late for that, Barkers. But on the other hand, if your owner REALLY loved you, he’d cough up the cash for a better class of humpies! After all, I’m sure HE doesn’t date anyone covered in cheap polyester!
🥴 Sorry. I suppose your “frequency of death” polyester pants wouldn’t be too conducive to arousal!
Best worn to funerals; not on date night.
My question is: if our knickers are already operating at such a high frequency, why were vibrators invented? 🫨
🍹🏖️ Aaaaaahhhh… nothing like the soothing vibes from my natural fibre garments!!
Funny, everyone else at the resort tells me they just can’t relax. 🚨📢 Folks at the office say that to me all the time, but I didn’t expect it here!
Silly gooses must all be wearing polyester. 🤷🏻♀️
Are you referring to the folks who wrote that stuff, or those of us who can’t stop reading it? 😄
They turfed Noem just in time! 🐶
❤️
Looks delicious!
This reminds me of a certain card in the Cards Against Humanity game. (I have a video of my nephew desperately trying to read it with a straight face, but he can’t stop laughing! I won’t embarrass him by posting it, though.)
Excellent! They’ll all be cheap guests to feed at my next neighbourhood barbecue…& I won’t have to shell out for entertainment either!
Gotta love how these “Proud Boy” types aren’t actually so proud of what they’re doing whenever you shine a light on them.
Kinda like rats, or insects.
Shouldn’t they be happy for the free advertising you gave them?
WTF is this? I’m definitely not high—it’s not even 8 a.m. yet. I’m barely even awake!
I know reality’s been slipping off the rails lately, but…
Vertigo by U2 can ONLY be played at full blast. Anything less is unacceptable.
