Mickey O'Hare 🔞🐇

No, no, wait, let the little one with the axe cook, I wanna hear where she's going with this...

Let's ask ourselves some questions:

How do they know if you're a kid? Your ID. Now they know who you are, what you searched, who you talked to, what you said, and what they said to you. If they deem ANY of that to be against their interests, they know where you live too!

And is that a good thing?

But have we paused to consider that sex can be about emotionally connecting with one's self, and that sometimes the top just needs to be a faceless blob that doesn't matter?

I've seen the Welch's Grape, but not the Grape-Cran. I'll keep an eye out.

when does Alice show up?

Plate acting like it’s made out of glass YouTube video by CookedNotFried

youtube.com/shorts/hZx66...

tired

Unrelated: Top Tier kitchen/apartment/space

today is my stream anniversary

Text from the Encyclopedia Britannica that reads: dramatic irony, a literary device by which the audience’s or reader’s understanding of events or individuals in a work surpasses that of its characters. Dramatic irony is a form of irony that is expressed through a work’s structure: an audience’s awareness of the situation in which a work’s characters exist differs substantially from that of the characters’, and the words and actions of the characters therefore take on a different—often contradictory—meaning for the audience than they have for the work’s characters.

How would they know that Heaven isn't better?

i don't know how to make it stop but i know how to make it quieter

Probably need a healthier way of dealing with this than just drugs and booze.

I wish I had a task. A brutal, impossible, unending task. Something to do til death. Just a pointless labor to break myself on every day until I was ruined, all of my value and purpose extracted. Then someone would put me down, and I'd die knowing that there was no other point to existing.

Every second I spend trying to defy my nature is just time I spend hurting others with my presence. Too loud, too bright, too fake. Everyone can tell i'm full of shit. They know I'm not likeable or pleasant or fun, they just humor me.

I'm not capable of anything worth talking about. There are better people to spend your time with, in any case. I'm not capable of even faking it til I make it. I've always known where I belong, where i'm going. Maybe it's just time to stop pretending I'm something valuable and let myself fall.

Even this shit is just wasting space on people's feeds.

Genuinely: I've always felt that I'm not welcome anywhere I go. Like the best thing I can do in any situation is just shut the fuck up and stay out of the way. My biggest contribution to any situation is padding the roster. The space I take up could literally go to anyone else and be a better use.

Everything I do ends the eaxct same way. I put all of my effort into something, sometimes months of work and suffering. The end product will annoy everyone that is forced by algorithm or misfortune to interact with it. Then I go to bed alone. Could just skip to the last step, save everyone time.

I feel like I'm a net negative, too. Like, being around me makes people look bad. I've only ever been a shitty orbiter; an ugly, annoying ornament in real streamers spaces, wasting resources and ruining the vibe. So what's the point? I'm not making anything worthwhile. If I was, people would watch.

One less option on the sidebar. I know I'm the shitty chicken option at the burger place. Nobody orders me anyways, so shitcanning me just streamlines everyone to better choices. I mean, the only way I can actually show viewers good content is by shouting out other people who are worth their time.

I know I'm not worth helping. I bring nothing to the table. My presence around real streamers is just an obligation and a chore to them. The reality is that I dissapear and nobody notices. If I stop coming around, stop talking, I stop existing. That's probably more convenient for everyone, tbh.

Channel has been dead for over a month. Is there even a point in coming back? Nothing will change. I'll still be a nobody. I know I'm never growing. I know there's no "big break" coming. I know there's no one that will help me. It would just be more pathetic struggling, pretending to be a streamer.

Reached a fun new stage of the depression cycle where now my brain has decided it's okay to not feel like shit, but now I feel even worse for being upset in the first place. Like I am upset with myself for having any feelings at all, instead of just presenting a steady facade.

I dont like this.

i really feel like i should say something. like, i should have something to say, right?

Blows my mind when people say: "If you cant handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best."

That must be the life, tbh.

Nobody even wants me at my best.

XYZ: Hey, Mickey, how are you?
Me: Bad. I'm actually really struggling with loneliness and my self-worth. Lately I've been-
XYZ: Well, just checking in! Bye!

An excessively common occurrence in my life. Like, every time. Always.

if you're wondering where i've been, or what i've been doing, or maybe even hoping that i'm living my best life, just know that i've spent the last month getting high in the dark and playing tft, then being angry at myself when i go to bed for wasting my life

still not dead