𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙤𝙣 𝙫𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙚™

what are u talking about babe, *you're* the one who told *me* that gaslighting isn't real

yes

HONhp

it is a known fact that a car wash adds 10hp to your vehicle

kristi noem(ployment)

[guy who’s about to invent club soda]
guy: i wish this 7-up was made in a factory of despair

the sag awards but my balls take home best picture for the 3rd consecutive year

we should add an 11th $1m millenium prize - solving the “reasoning with teenagers” problem

same energy, same era

another day of getting into arguments. with people who are wrong on the internet. they are Always wrong

showing my dog the same grace she shows me and waiting until she goes for a nap and then farting directly into her nose

fifa peace prize: am i a fucken joke to u

the wicked witch of the west:

a dating app for people who have been through airport security at least once in their life

poetry

Mine ass has seen the glory of the farting of the butt

that feeling of pure terror when u have been on hold so long that when they finally answer the call, u forget why u were on the phone in the first place

no clue what ur talking about 👀

need someone to explain to me like a moron how 4 years later, we’re still able to apply sanctions to russia. like wtf is left that we haven’t already done and why haven’t we already done it

if you think im going to let my plants die just because i forgot they existed youre absolutely right and im sorry

everyone wants me to "learn from my mistakes" but what if i just kept making them louder

if the illuminati wants me to join theyre going to have to slide into my dms like everyone else

the word "drugs" in spanish is spelled "drogas", with the "a" indicating that drugs are feminine, which makes sense because drugs, like women, are evil

Bring back volcano sacrifices!

ME FIRST ME FIRST

twunk

thank god. finally someone else can try and figure this shit out for me for a bit

Amelia, my dog, is now sitting on my bed. Specifically in a spot where the comforter should be but isn’t due to her pulling it up previously

This is ridiculous

Canada Canadians in
Hockey ER triage
🤝
Gotta wait
4 years

hell yeah baybeeeeeeee