Double down!
09.03.2026 08:03
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Double down!
Oh Jesus...
That's quick work!
I love you! 💕
Of which book, though? 😂
I'm not going to.
But if someone else does, I want edited highlights from the replies.
What if I went on Threads, and said "How crazy it is that The Princess Bride was written by the same guy as Lord of the Flies? Such a dramatic tonal shift! I'm glad he found some whimsy later in life!"
Just as a little treat for the Reply Guys?
I've always enjoyed a harmless windup. I had a colleague who used to point out cemeteries and say "Sherlock Holmes is buried there, y'know!" Just to see how people would react.
I don't do it online, because I haven't the energy for the replies.
But I've just had an intrusive thought...
Me: "Yep. Fucking LOVE rules, me. After all, they've made my whole life entirely pleasant, easy to navigate, and completely free of trauma! THANKS, RULES! THRULES!”
✨Fin✨
Neurotypicals: "Ah, yes. The Autistics, bless their hearts, are so very obsessed with rules.
Also, so weird and antisocial. No idea how people are supposed to behave."
Me (continued): "I'm really terribly sorry about any offence or distress I must have caused all these years: I genuinely didn't realise. Would it be possible to get some clarification on the rules you'd actually prefer me to follow?"
Me: "Hey, so, funny story, everyone: it turns out that I've been *several* types of neurodivergent this whole time, and APPARENTLY, there are these "unspoken" rules and expectations that my brain struggles to interpret."
Neurotypicals (continued): "CAN'T YOU TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON? GOOD LORD, STOP DRONING ON! IT'S LIKE YOU SWALLOWED A DICTIONARY! ALSO, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR STUPID HOBBIES! (Oh and by the way, you really should speak up more. It's very rude to be sulky and clammed up all the time.)"
Neurotypicals (continued): "SWEET JESUS CHRIST, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUSLY GOING OUT IN THAT GET-UP, SURELY! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"
Neurotypicals: "EXCUSE ME WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
*Me: Huh...OK, I've clearly missed some sort of nuance with the whole "always follow the rules" thing here. Maybe I'll express my own ideas and tastes, and personal boundaries a tiny bit more, and do things my own way sometimes!*
Neurotypical Adults:
"Why must you think so rigidly? Why don't you try to fit in more with the others? Why are you so upset when things don't go the way YOU think they should go? You can't have everything YOUR own way! You're bringing all this bullying on yourself, you know. Show some backbone!"
Neurotypical Peers:
"Haha, what a nerd! You're so weird! You're such a swot! Are you chicken or something? God, such a sad little goody two-Shoes, try-hard, teacher's pet!"
*Me (obliviously): Oh, cool. I just have to follow all these clearly stated rules, and then everything will be fine. I'm sure there's no chance that there's any sort of mysterious and incomprehensible catch in this arrangement!*
Neurotypical Adults (telepathically, one assumes): "Oh.. one more thing: Not all rules will be explained in advance. There's loads we WON'T tell you about. But if you break those, you'll be letting everyone down all the same, and you will be shamed about these infractions all your life! Good luck."
*Me: Oh gosh I'd hate to be unfair to people! For some (as yet unexplained) reason, I have a very strong sense of, and concern about, justice. Still, if all these rules are so important, nearly everyone else must feel the same way, so that's alright! Phew!*
Neurotypical adults in my childhood:
"You must always follow the rules! It's unfair on everyone else if you don't follow the rules."
🧵
There should be an alt text option for people to explain their joke
GLASGOW INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL! Catch me, Ashley Frieze and Edi Johnston with our three-hander hour MUSICAL CHAIRS on March 14th. Get your tickets now please.
HEATHCLIFFE
IT'S ME
YOUR COUSIN, MARVIN HEATHCLIFF
it is actually impressive how bewilderingly shitty we've made the simple act of buying a train ticket in this country
Porridge for dinner is an awesome Idea. Why did we ever stop? 🍽️🍜 #foodsky
niamhhallam.substack.com/p/why-we-sto...
"From the British perspective, tagliatelle con ragù alla Bolognese is a type of spag bol."
I wrote about pasta this week: the Italian classic, the British version I grew up with and what they can tell us about authenticity.
niamhhallam.substack.com/p/untangling...
🍽️🍜 #foodsky
Please, I beg you, for the love of G-d, if Google AI or ChatGPT says you don't need a lawyer to do something, TALK TO A LAWYER ANYWAY.
PLEASE.
I have had Tesco Whoosh deliveries in the past, and I can tell you that the delivery drivers are not the cringing, subservient lickspittles their advertising casting director appears to believe would be a selling point.
They generally seemed FURIOUS to have been inconvenienced by me.