I'm grateful I still have a job. Right now we are moving to a smaller office and I'll have a permanent desk instead of "hoteling" but being the only one in the office is kinda lonely.
Waited until Monday to start the Cymbalta (I wanted to have a 🥃 drink over the weekend) so today is day 3. Not sure if I'm feeling on edge cuz of stress or the med. I remember having a similar reaction to zoloft last summer so maybe I'm super sensitive now. I was on effexor for years (as unipolar)
I guess the psych forgot he suggested remeron in a portal message? He offered cymbalta. I'd spent a decade on effexor so I figure it's worth a shot.
Any bipolar folk try Remeron for depression? I'm already on seroquel and I'm worried about extra sedation and extra increased appetite. Already snacking too much.
Running used to help so much but I haven't been able to do that in 18 months. I know a pill can't replace that.
How much of this depression is situational? Like is a pill going to help me from drowning? No but it might be the rope ladder I need to climb out of the water. Or a life buoy to help me keep treading.
I think I'm masking my depression symptoms really well even to myself judging by the mild scores on that mood assessment.
I was flat for so long on the lithium. Mood wise but I don't think affect wise. I feared the mania flares/hospitalizations so never questioned it until I started to taper. 🙃
I participate in DBSA Boston (depression bipolar support alliance) in person on Thursdays. the meeting is 7-9 but I've been leaving halfway through to get home to do PT before bed. We meet at the DMH building downtown Boston. (The ugliest building in the city, I think it's uglier than City Hall)
New tower at MGH. Angled shot so two sides are visible. A skybridge is nearly done connecting it with the rest of the campus. Pickup truck in the foreground.
It's a tradition to take a photo of the construction at MGH every time I get my labs done. Shout out to the staff who put me in the secondary queue when I said I was on my lunch break. Way quicker. I wouldn't have been able to get my labs done otherwise.
Oh I got it thank you. Silly I forgot about display names. Do you think putting the space between atypical and bipolar makes it a little clearer?
I don't understand.
I've been atypicalbipolar on other sites. Mainly because my experience of mania is so dysphoric instead of euphoric/what people think mania is usually.
If I'm documenting the pain in a log it's at least a 6 or higher. Because I push through the 4s. Usually doesn't last long enough to delay/derail plans at least.
Got to MGH at 8:20 for a 9am appointment. But I didn't want to go to the lab for blood work because then I'd stress about being late to the appointment. It's just an injection so I'll be in the office by 9:30.
So while I'm slightly bummed when Boston sports teams lose big championships, I'm secretly happy that I don't have to deal with a championship parade.
In 2017 When I was at NWH the Patriots beat the Falcons. I started Partial a day late because of the parade. When the Red Sox won in 2018 I stayed up too late and went manic/psychotic again. Heading to work on Halloween during the victory parade was NOT fun. (That was the quickest break of all)
Even though I'm out as Bipolar, I set up this alt because my bluesky handle is my name + I really want to interact with BipolarSky more. For some reason I'm still uncomfortable being explicit with my main account. I've definitely gotten better as the years go by but it's more on meta and in person.
They added lithium and seroquel to the lamictal. Finally dropped the effexor.
900mg of lithium my labs were "fine" (but my thyroid level wasn't) and I was getting side effects I didn't know were side effects. Eventually I started to slowly wean off it.
So it turns out lamictal *is* helping.
In Jan 2017 they gave me zyprexa and started me on lamictal. I was already on effexor so they continued that. I refused to take zyprexa after discharge so they discontinued that thankfully. I spent years thinking lamictal did nothing because I ended up in the hospital 3 times after...
I was extremely lucky that all my stays were at MGB hospitals. All my care is through MGH. (For better or worse)
I thought I just needed a sleep study but the mania flares were brought on by fewer sleepless nights as it went on. The last admit they changed my dx and switched my meds around.
So the first hospitalization in 2017 they just chalked up to the steroids. I hadn't been on a super high dose. I had tapered in the fall of 2016 only for my Crohn's flare symptoms to come back so I was on prednisone again.
But I was hospitalized in September, June and November 2018 w/o steroids.
A little about me.
I had an alt on the bird site with the same handle.
I've been bipolar (identity first language) since Nov 2018 officially but my first episode of psychosis was Jan 2017.
I was taking steroids for a Crohn's flare when I stopped sleeping and went psychotic after 4 nights.
