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how will i make friends at this point when i get so anxious about meeting new people

yeah i think i have social anxiety, ive isolated myself from meeting other people for so long that the thought of meeting someone new literally gave me an anxiety attack

too many men liking my selfie GRAAAHHHH

don’t text him don’t text him don’t text him

my life has gone downhill so much i don’t even care anymore
just take whatever left i don’t care anymore

yes i downloaded a dating app bc i need to fucking distract myself

it’s thundering and my husband would cover my ears when it was thundering and hold me close

god i want to die i miss him

why did this have to happen

trying to put up a strong front that i don’t need him but i do

i’m so sad i just want him

i miss my husband

please end this
i don’t want anymore bad things to happen

my health my job my dog my home my mental health my husband
all gone

please stop taking things from me i cannot take it anymore

why is the universe out to get me what did i do to deserve all these bad things over and over again

but i feel so betrayed so hurt so heartbroken

i just want him

i should be in his arms cuddled up sleeping and listening to his breathing

i miss him i miss him i want to be in his arms
whyyyyyyyyyyyyy did you cheat on me why why why

my mother in law don’t know what he was doing and i just told her everything and she’s really upset and on my side ❤️

as manager he shouldn’t be doing that

found out he flirted with all the girls at his job okay

why am i so easy to cheat on?

really feel like i failed in life lol like the one thing i wanted was to get married and that didn’t even last long
im truly a failure

i need to shut my brain off i’m tired

but i want to fix it but i feel betrayed and i will always feel like that but i just want him to

i think to myself, what if i don’t ever find someone that will understand me like him? we worked so well together and he really was my soulmate
but then i think “out of respect for myself i shouldn’t try to fix this”

but i’m finding it hard to do that right now

i have the type of bpd that if u wrong me one time, i will detach myself completely and i feel nothing

i really fucking hate this but it is what it is