I have developed the world's first hover car, after months of tireless effort

this new tape i bought is PERFECT for ducts

you just can’t put a value on money like that, ya know?

supper tiiiime
and the eating is eeeaasyyy

don’t pick your nose when you’re riding an ebike please

a white dog stands close to a bench with a plate holding a single onion ring

he wants it, he wants the Precious 😤

The album cover of Steely Dan's "Aja" (1977), but the cover art is modified to instead include the photograph of Elizabeth Berkley from the poster for "Showgirls" (1995, dir. Verhoeven).

This came to me in a dream

why do nerds
suddenly appear
every time
I post here

Chapter 1 of Moby Dick, page 1 The phrase ‘Call me Ishmael’, the first sentence of the book, is highlighted in blue, with careful highlighting on the very big C at the start. Above this, written in ballpoint pen ‘His name’

Love the glimpse into the beautiful mind that notated this used copy of Moby Dick I got

a hair dryer in a open drawer that’s roughly shaped like a hair dryer

i have a special drawer for my hair dryer

if i ever have to land a plane, i’m gonna try to ‘set her down easy’ - that’s a promise

euphemism for masturbation: ‘at a VERY poorly attended orgy’

Lemon on a bear

Whoa-oh
We're halfway there
WHOA-OH

They need to invent a small cow for the home

thanks to AI video I basically don't believe in any unlikely animal friends I haven't already seen. do you know what that's done to my sense of whimsy

i love when something is to my liking

come to me, dental plan

adobe™…if it ain’t broke, fix it

on the flip side, banging in 7/4 gets easier with experience

Taking pictures of all the groceries at the grocery store to show to my kids.

i had $20 to my name and could only say ‘toilet doll’…but i was young and in paris!

it’s funny to read those stickers on semi trucks as ‘how am i DRIVING?!’ - like the driver’s on a lot of acid and can’t believe they’re even capable, let alone on the freeway in an 18-wheeler

“measure twice, bake once”

Went to the doctor today with a list of demands

do you really?

why yes, i am a writer... have i written anything you've heard of? well, i don't know... perhaps you've HEARD of a little tome called THE BIBLE 2

sorry, i'm NOT wearing a tool belt

any baking dish should have its dimensions right there ON the dish! what am i supposed to carry a ruler around everywhere?!

i think we're about 2 years out from england putting jack the ripper on their money

no spoilers please :)