alex

in my defense my nightmares are pure ptsd war flashbacks

being a substitute teacher kinda rocks, just called out of work bc i had a bad dream

The Lumineers figured out the formula for the perfect song in 2014 and have just kept running with it and I love them for it

not wearing my retainer is an act of resistance actually

They should create a profession that heals people using medicine and surgeries. Like a barber but more geared towards increasing health.

Hello, Jon. This is Spotify headquarters. Although this presentation is typically automatically generated, we find these circumstances so extraordinary that we felt the need to reach out to you with a personal message. We have found that while you did listen to rap music this year, you listened to country music as well. This is a music listening pattern of such rare precedent that we were compelled to disconnect our servers, lest our algorithm crash them entirely upon attempting to categorize your tastes. You are the most interesting person we have ever encountered, and we wish the incurious blockheads who make up the remainder of our subscriber base shared not only your adventurous spirit, but fearless authenticity. We have your banking information on file. As a token of our appreciation, $5,000,000 USD will be deposited into your account immediately. Thank you for everything, Jon.

oh wow

mom can you come pick me up?? they’re on twitter talking about the original historical significance of today is easy to overlook

my sister is the funniest person in the world to me i comment on her social media posts like a proud grandma who doesn’t understand how public comments work

dragging nic to see wicked tonight i don’t care how tired they are after work i can’t wait any longer

i know an ice cold dr.pepper hates to see me coming after a long work day

i know my pipe hates to see me coming after a long work day

might start using this app now that the icon is a cute lil butterfly