Anubis: it says here you Googled "how to be evil" and went down the list? Why would you do something that stupid
Well I thought it'd make me a good candidate for when Jesus saves the worst sinners against all odds. Because he is loving and all that
Anubis: who the hell is Jesus
The Life-Loving Presenter: let's hear a big round of applause for everything that ever happened
Fields at night
What do you mean?
Coworkers turn low poly when they get fired
Scientist: outside of your father's look, the only data on file is when he set off a kitchen sensor at 3am. He was a real digital ghost
Me: Whatever. Run the simulation
(a holographic reconstruction of my childhood home appears with my dad hunched over by the fridge) Hello, son
You can tell he's got unimaginable treats up his sleeve
Everyone on Earth is getting fired today. The job is done
In that song that's like "X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya" I'm like alright man, enough teasing, is it a sweater, a book, or the toy I wanted. What is X gonna give me
Northeast, sunset
The lanai of ideas 😌
(The Matrix but it's Tiki)
(Morpheus wearing a lei) You take the Blue Lagoon Mai Tai - the story ends. You take the Krakatoa Red Punch - you stay in tropical paradise and I show you how deep the straw hole goes
(Neo reaches for the red cocktail mug)
Searching "sex ending explained" on reddit the next morning
(sports announcer) Please god take him. Rapture the enemy goalie. There is a time for miracles and that time is right now
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and (remembering that my homie that goes by Mountain had a tough week and not wanting to be insensitive) a (can't think of any other rocky things) hard place
Friend: bro that's honestly so beautiful it should be a saying
Insecure Lazy Town: are we number one
See you hold this button and the guy in the computer goes "fus-ro-dah." Pretty epic right
Skyrim NPC whose consciousness I cloned and uploaded to a physical body: that was my wife you sent flying
Me: (reloading from a save) here you try it too
A little building illuminated by a car's high beams
I hope this email finds love
The Clairvoyant DJ: You're gonna love this next track
Paper towel brands need to chill with the whole 6=12 thing. They can't trick me. My old math teacher engraved arithmetic into my very body
World's End
Achieving world peace isn't about empathy or education. We need to locate and activate the pleasure valve hidden deep inside the earth
Cobalt night
Idgaf about the stick. That carrot, however
Near Quincy MA!
Northeast, daytime
(after going back in time and falling in love with my grandma when she was 30) yeah it was totally chill. No time paradox or anything. And I'm my own grandpa I guess
Friend 1: ew man why did you come back
Friend 2: problematic time travel gap
Paychecks should rotate like health pickups in videogames
Before cinema was invented, stunt doubles would get into horrific accidents in lieu of random people just for the love of the game
