Gregory Possum-Friend

Steve: did u guys get a good pic of me
Dave: ya dont worry
Steve: which pic did u use
Mark: dont worry about it

Natalie Portman in Black Swan being menaced by a doppelganger in the mirror

When I encounter myself as a different colored cursor because I have the Google Doc open in two tabs

it must suck to be the greatest living master of the Tuba, an incredible prodigy and top of your field, and know that the general public thinks about your artistry as "oh that's the sound of when a big fuzzy bear wakes up from hibernation and eats jam with its bumblebee friend"

dude the end is when it ties together all the loose ends!! it's worth the wait!!!!

this shit fuckin whipped ass

he moves like the michael keaton batman. like his head shoulders and back are all one big piece of plastic.

wife getting a plastic to-go box on date night: "oh HELL yeah, this is gonna be a GOOD container for the kitchen"
me: (silently laughing)
wife: "oh are you gonna tweet about it"

reaching across the aisle in the spirit of compromise by agreeing to contract just one measle

the entire time i was decanting these, i was so annoyed, thinking "this cant possibly be worth it." that was months ago, and: it was absolutely worth it

couldn't be me

Let’s talk about Graham Platner’s Big Lie, finally. In 2009, at the height of the Gulf War, the Marines barred him from active duty. Platner claims it was his forearm tattoos. But his one forbidden tattoo was the Nazi symbol on his chest. He knew - and he left the Marines rather than give it up. 1/

the most important part of a rebrand: make sure you hang on to the stupid old paint pots that get a ring of dried paint under the cap that keep the pot from closing so you have to scrape off with an exacto knife until it comes off like a big circular Macragge Booger

Artax going down a little staircase behind the couch while doing the little queen wave with one hoof

8-year-old: "papa why does your hand have blue on it"
me: "so there's this technique called Drybrushing, but you have to wipe the excess paint off a paintbrush's exterior bristles-"
8-year-old: "you wiped it on your hand?"
me: "yes i was too lazy to use a paper towel. is that what you want to hear"

Cool thanks man.

me, thinking i've just learned a cool new slang term for balls: "yeah sometimes i grab the bag of frozen peas too"

I do know completely healthy normal poly people but unfortunately part of being healthy is that they don’t do press about their relationship

the kids love to eat Jupiter

my boxing coach shouting at me from the corner:
"GIVE 'IM THE OL'

guy who thought they said Crystal Gnome Fire and briefly got excited about a rare item drop

House Committee On Whether Greg Is A Commie: "here on march 5th, is it true you Liked a picture of karl marx?"
me: "yes but it was only about vampire cum"

pleasure to meet you, Miss Subaru.. my name is Bond. James Bond.

i remember being charmed by this when i first saw it due to the video being posted on metafilter, and just checked the mefi thread. it is peak 2016

hey um but some of us need to shop at Target? like me? because i live there? i live on top of the Target? they call me the Target Gargoyle because i live on the roof and hunch and leer and am bound by an Ancient Curse to only shop at Target? they call me that even though "Targoyle" was right there?

guy behind the counter at a Quincy seafood restaurant: "we got khohne, we got khahn, we got - i think we got khaine?" (shouting behind him) "HEY SULLY WE GOT ANY KHAINE BACK THEAH"

im so sorry. condolences and solidarity from a fellow Lustrous Cat Misser. you gave her a good life

8-year-old: "papa what's this in the trash can"
me: "oh it's a bookmark, it was in a book i got from the thrift store, but i don't need it, so i was gonna throw it out. you can have it if you want"
8-year-old, running to siblings, triumphant: "HEY GUYS! PAPA GAVE ME A BOOKMARK FROM THE TRASH!!"

uhhh YEAH gilles, i KNOW what a body without organs is, I've PLAYED Operation,

buddy back in my day the only Large Language Model i knew was my loquacious friend Handsome Dave after a coupla lines

If they want me back they have to go fully Woke 2, sorry. Whole hog. I gotta be able to get an abortion there

Mario's classic phrase