It’s Friday, so five more pages have been extracted from print and sent out unsupervised.
Five Pages of Fun is free, shareable, and mildly opposed to the internet.
06.03.2026 21:04
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It’s Friday, so five more pages have been extracted from print and sent out unsupervised.
Five Pages of Fun is free, shareable, and mildly opposed to the internet.
Wheeee! The @americanbystander.bsky.social has posted another Five Pages of Fun for all! #magazine #humor #comics #publishing Best damn humor mag in the US!
online.americanbystander.org/five-pages-o...
I don't know about you, but I desperately need 5 pages of fun. #humor #magazines #comics #cartoons Thank you @americanbystander.bsky.social
online.americanbystander.org/five-pages-o...
Trump’s Board of Peace branding looks like it was done on Canva
In that sweet spot between a presidential humiliation and his push back (Tearing down WH, starting a war), we have some time to breathe. And laugh.
Please read and enjoy these 5 pp from The American Bystander.
online.americanbystander.org/five-pages-o...
Everything is terrible.
But not this.
Five Pages of Fun. Every Friday.
Free. Designed to share. Pass it on.
This is a excerpt from a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." It was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It was published in The American Bystander.
It's Presidents' Day, so may I humbly suggest using this as the official presidential portrait? (Via @americanbystander.bsky.social) #terfs
Who says you can’t go places with a PhD?
(For all 7 of our Poems of the Week, click link in thread)
#braindrain #highereducation #universities @paullander.bsky.social @americanbystander.bsky.social @aestallings.bsky.social @juliekanepoet.bsky.social @allisonpoet.bsky.social
Issue 31 of The American Bystander (The Comedy Magazine) knocks it out of the park.
Outstanding work @michaelgerber.bsky.social & kudos to all the contributors, both living and living in heaven.
@americanbystander.bsky.social
31-thumb salute:
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Me:
Please stop stabbing me.
The Latest Incredible AI Model:
Here is a serrated blade, plunged deep into your torso, puncturing three vital organs. Would you like me to make a checklist to keep track of all the ways you love having me stab you?
people born in america probably don’t realize how cool america used to be. the death of US soft power is going to have long term consequences we are only beginning to see
Publishing a book really is not for the faint of heart.
Luckily for me, neither was growing up with my mother.
Whether it's Bad Bunny giving his Grammy to a child or Kid Rock singing "I like ’em underage, see, some say that’s statutory but I say it’s mandatory," both artists have reached out to your nation's young people.
The new @americanbystander.bsky.social is out!
I'm convinced AI is our generation's radium - a discovery with genuinely useful applications in specific, controlled circumstances that we stupidly put in everything from kid's toys to toothpaste until we realised the harm far too late where future generations will ask if we were out of our minds.
Welcome to the club! Be sure to tip Marco in the locker room, even if you don't take cologne from him.
Welcome to the tribe, @jasonklamm.com! Loved your comedy scholarship for YEARS!
A bald bespectacled holds a magazine called American bystander
A list of names of credits from the magazine I don't have the time to type right now.
It's the first time I've been published in a comedy magazine! It's about #DickDavy, #comedyonvinyl, and the album I produced for @standuprecords.bsky.social last September. Thanks so much to @americanbystander.bsky.social & Michael Gerber for putting me in such good company. @alanzweibel.bsky.social
I read the new @americanbystander.bsky.social today—especially great illustrations and essays in this one! Includes my little monologue about the guy who had to disinter the previous pope for the "cadaver synod" in 897. Grateful as ever for bystander boss @michaelgerber.bsky.social.
Driverless cars are out here pulling U-turns,
cops don’t know who to ticket,
and @michaelgerber.bsky.social is hiding behind a hedge in Santa Monica.
Read his new piece, Waymo Scared: online.americanbystander.org/waymo-scared/
This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.
This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.
This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.
This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.
TERFs are obsessed with where *everyone else* is going to the bathroom, so we wrote them a potty training book to teach them how to mind their own damn business. It's called "Nobody Poops." Read it here... and see it in print in the next issue of @americanbystander.bsky.social. #transrights
And if you like my writing, none of my graphic novels have been published yet... but consider checking out some of my work for MAD Magazine or this new piece in the @americanbystander.bsky.social. (12/X)
bsky.app/profile/matt...
ATTN @americanbystander.bsky.social and Dutchie
. @michaelgerber.bsky.social ‘s new essay in the wake of Jimmy Kimmel’s cancellation lays it out plainly: the U.S. government is now hostile to comedy. Artists need to protect their lists, mirror their work, and prepare for independence.
Read and repost.
Support independent media
ooooh ok so no more comedy allowed, cool cool cool
Good time to repost this
Well, its what Charlie Kirk would’ve wanted, at least
Corporations should not own comedy. #jimmykimmel