AJ the Slayer

Popperoni and squeeze

Won’t know until I get a closer look 😈

My friends 5 minutes before pressing the laugh react on the 7th bad joke I’ve made for the day

a woman wearing headphones is sitting in front of a window . ALT: a woman wearing headphones is sitting in front of a window .

Me listening to I Don’t Do Water while I’m in the shower where I am most definitely doing water

Oh yeah that’s the good stuff

🗡️🗡️🗡️

Be being asked to create an RPG character

How I feel single-handedly keeping predator animals away from my property by pissing out the guard rail of my back porch

a man says give me all you got while a woman looks on ALT: a man says give me all you got while a woman looks on

Friend: “How many glizzies do you want?”
Me, a hungry bottom:

Brb coming to grips with the fact that I just realized the guy I’ve been seeing for almost two years now sounds like Ken Page’s Oogie Boogie Man when he’s being flirty

LA can’t find places for their homeless to live but they can host the olympics in 2028?

Warner Bros but it’s British so it’s Warner Bruvs

If this is the heat you’re bringing just block me and save me the trouble.

My toxic trait is if you message me hi and I say hi in return and your next response is another or a different variation of “hi” I’m no longer responding I’m already bad enough at conversation I will not be carrying this chat because you couldn’t think of a follow up.

My body is in constant civil war in regards to which parts of me Must Be Covered By Blanket in order for my brain to go “okay we can sleep now”

@ people who make posts that say “Are (generalizes something about themselves) allowed to (describes something they both want to do and are currently doing)”: Yes, but not you. For you it’s a felony. Go to jail.

Can’t wait for BlueSky to have DMs so I can type and delete the same message 7 times only to coward out and doom scroll tiktoks instead.

Me: “Just talk to them, communication is key.”

Also me: *terrified to ask anyone literally anything*

My toxic trait is singing a song really well by surprise and singing it to death until I’ve lost whatever it was that made it sound so good to me before.

Born to be a brat, forced to be the tamer.

New Challenge! Talk about how fucked up the thing Big Dipper did is WITHOUT mentioning his weight or appearance. Bet you can’t!

I’ve had enough Internet for the day.

My sister: “What should I send my friend on Animal Crossing?”

Me, without hesitating: “A bomb threat.”

My sister: “AJ! Something NICE!”

Me, still not hesitating: “A BATH bomb threat.”

Me: *joins my family in the living room after shaving my head*

Mom: “Freshly shaved?”

Dad: “I thought it got brighter in here.”

Me: “It did, I almost can’t see your grays.”

My family dynamic is great.

Two people having a full conversation in a group chat while the rest of the group chat is busy is the new reply-all email thread

[me, flirting]

Did anyone else have to learn how to walk normal as a kid? I was told so many times about how fuckin’ extra my hips were when I walked and that I had to tone it down. Anyone else?

If she would never feed them that food… then why was she there… like ma’am where are you right now 🤣

If you see this, I IMPLORE you to post a picture from whatever device you are using without explanation.

Jesus Edition apparently.

Same energy