frovo

that’s just crazy

ME: if the part of pants you put your leg in is called a pant leg then the part of a shirt you put your arm in should be called a shirt arm

MAGICIAN: ok, nothing up my shirt arm

we must reduce our dependence on carbon. please, switch to spaghetti solarara

why are taters the only thing we’ve totted

the worst part of going bald has to be letting go of your ratatouille fantasy

FIRST PERSON TO SEE A SUNRISE OVER THE OCEAN: wow look at that sun of a beach

GENIE: what is your wish

ME: an ice cream cone from mcdonalds

GENIE: sorry the machine is down

i played tic tac toe and now my feet are all minty

No, you EMPHASISE the wrong word

the beat boy AND my soul? in this economy?

Give me the beat boy and free my soul. Oh, I can’t have both? Hmmm. Then I’ll just take that beat boy. He’s my beat boy now!

your headlights catch the glow of her feral eyes as she drags the carcass of some unidentifiable animal into a culvert mere hours after her firing

lol thank you both! 🐶 🔫

A lot of you are saying pretty negative stuff about Markwayne but I respect the man for writing Tom Sawyer

Kristi Noem's "Open to Work" LinkedIn Profile

If you're at the airport and Kristi Noem is doing the ominous little message from the TSA screens, you no longer have to do anything she says. Leave your laptop in the case, whatever.

[after a solid minute of the funeral director staring at us, i repeat]

…bunk coffins

[my wife doing stacked hands motion]

like…double decker

Kristi and Corey doing reverse cowgirl so she can shoot a dog

i got dibs on Markwayne MullOUT

Bluesky has as much bad news as X but over here, we're against it

Kristi Noemore

WIFE: *forgets her phone*

ME: *calls wife's phone* hey call me back you forgot your phone

GUY ON TWITTER: bluesky is an echo chamber

OTHER TWITTER GUY: yeah it’s totally an echo chamber

MORE TWITTER DUDES: yeah echo chamber

LIKE A BAJILLION MORE TWITTER DUDES: echo chamber

Artificial Intelligence
🤝
always agrees with the user
gets facts wrong
makes misleading statements
steals from people
gets people killed
wastes valuable resources
amasses gobs of money
🤝
Trump Cabinet & Advisers

Do you think that before we had houses, they called them cave flies?

JUDGE: I sentence you to 37 years in prison
ME: nah
JUDGE: what
ME: I’m not vibing that
JUDGE: I see
ME: yeah
JUDGE: I guess you’re free to go then
ME: peace out my robed brother
JUDGE: that is the coolest guy I’ve ever seen it was an honor to let him go

Fill out the quip of the week poll? No problem!
ericzorn.substack.com/i/189594831/...

Finalists include:

@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
@jakevig.bsky.social
@frovo.bsky.social

Please share. Get out the vote!

ME: if bologna is pronounced “baloney” then lasagna is pronounced “lasaney”

WAITER: ok would you like grated cheese on your lasaney

me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom

you: you DO have kids

me: WHAT

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be supportive. Say stuff like, “Nice battling, dude.”