mandy potemkin

a sherlock holmes reboot where SHE is the mayor of pittsburgh

these people are such stupid assholes

i should be able to reach into a pocket dimension and pull out a freshly-cooked burger any time i want

thinking about becoming a mad men-style business alcoholic

"This probably sounds like nightmare fuel to many, but to wealthy VCs and AI and crypto entrepreneurs it’s the next gold rush." is the quote of our time

guys hate it when you pull both their legs off but you can usually get away with pulling one off if you're cute

worst day of the year. hour stolen from night time given to the smug idiot breakfast eaters. the rise and shine clowns

You know what I liked was when Biden had that awful dog that kept biting people

what about a nude, erotic conga line

i know i ate enough sushi to kill god yesterday but i'm craving a dragon roll

love how we killed the old, frail anti-nuke ayatollah just to have him replaced with his young, healthy son who wants nukes and who just had his father, mother, wife, and child murdered on the same day by his mortal enemy. surely this will bring peace to the region

put a glass of cool water in the freezer for 30 minutes and bam! you have yourself a glass of cold water. follow me for more recipes

me: i’m not coming in

boss: because gas prices?

me (shirt feels weird): yep

thank you :)

Oh, is a gaspricesball happening?

saw the raccoon again :) i'm going to invite it into my home and feed it french toast sticks

you are asleep and dreaming. you're late for that big important speech you have to give

i guess we could also just throw an insane birthday party for horses

i like that horses all have the same birthday. i think people should also all have the same birthday. imagine how insane the birthday party would be

i've been thinking about pineapple all weekend

running for president in 2028 on a "replace billionaires with cherry blossoms" platform

This is an excellent rule for storytelling but also implies that Philip Pullman witnessed the death of God as a boy.

A girl holds hands with a pikachu, and says, "pikachu, we will do it, we will electrocute timothée chalamet". The pikachu replies, "yes master".

It must be done.

laws do not apply to women today

Screenshot from the video game Persona 4. In the halls of Yasogami High, the protagonist talks to a male student labeled "Stylish student". His dialogue window reads: "Hanging out with women, going on dates with them, that's fine. Killing them? Not so much."

happy international women's day

i love being pissed off 24/7/365. feels healthy and sustainable

edi patterson should have won an EGOT for this monologue