Bog Fancy

Smoking Heavy Wild, Smoking Hard Body Blamers

Desperately trying to use my turtleneck to cover up my double chin, "does this shirt make me look like a spatula?"

"Peace" is defined by whether or not Exxon-Mobil controls your oil supply

I have a way with worms.

His and hers midlife existentials

Whales walked out of the sea, looked around, and said fuck this, Ima keep the air and nothing else

Recruiters be like "I noticed that you have 20+ years of experience in your field- would you be interested in a job that doesn't pay well enough to ever buy a home or comfortably pay bills?"

I too remember the earlier, woke wars. tons of spent microaggression munitions strewn about everywhere, friends crying out for God as they were slowly cancelled...look, if you weren't there, you'll never understand

DHS keeps the fuck plane. Lewandowski stays on it and he has to fuck. Markwayne's problem now.

mailman and coast guard!

You know, I am sort of a believer in manifestation, but on the other hand, we for sure would have done it by now.

a spelt-day, a bread day, ere the yeast rises

My husband's first class flight to Dubai to get hair plugs has been canceled due to bombs??? Will no one think of my poor husband and his bald head

we all cookin on teh hot dog rollers of time

quiet, ladders hunt here, they have a taste for the flesh now

What's your corporate body count bro? I've worked for 127 different businesses this year alone. They call me the LinkedIn Slapper. I eat every lunch in the break room fridge and then I'm gone bro.

heard they lined up an awesome sponsor for the naming rights and now you have to call it Operation Golden Grahams Persian Blast?

This is my son, Boy Kibble

gen z celebrant: do you take each other in choppedness and in aura, until unc do you part

(The world is on fire and the foundation of society is collapsing before our eyes)

My boss: Happy MonSLAY, team! 💃

i feel like i would know exactly how greedily and how deep to mine. i could handle it

Keep talking, asshole, ive already messaged the etsy witches

u can make lifelong friend in the gas station bathroom

I like being chubby because that leaves my skeleton open to the imagination.

It is the Scarecrow, Tin Man, Dorothy, and Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz.

The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover.

Blessing you before the sneeze so you know I really get you and know what you'll do before you even do it

So in my own headlock lately saying the mantra to stop questioning yourself stop questioning yourself that I just hand over my lunch money to my other hand

who’s a traveler in an antique land now bitch

I always spit before I toss slops over the gunwale

"about the size of a toothbrush, its skinny head is perfectly shaped for scrubbing grout"

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