Ridge 🇨🇦

My life went off the rails in kindergarten.

At this point Oreos and M&Ms are never going to run out of flavours are they?

cheese AND toilet paper? in this economy?

my therapist said if you follow my main you have to follow my alt too

not really, but she will when i bring you all up 💅

Some 80s horror is so seriously silly

a cafe called eat pussy cat cafe

Eating pussy out? In this economy?

last thing you see before you die, probably.

Sorry i thought your pocket square was a cum rag

Personal space should be mandatory.

wearing my women in stem t-shirt on international women’s day to celebrate the fact that i was given that and a reusable water bottle instead of equal pay

Four months of patience, determination, and the diligence to perform some simple on-the-fly daily calculations, finally paid off this morning when I at last woke up to find that all the clocks in the house had in fact, as I told my wife they would, fixed themselves on their own.

73% of americans believe namibia is a lesbian sex act

I only get 23 hours on this birthday. I’ll make up for the lost one. 🩷

When Frankie said, "Relax! Don't do it..." he was talking about folding laundry.

I agree to turn the clocks forward but I’m keeping my hour of sleep.

brb, getting my refund at 24 Hour Fitness

Them: "Stop Being So Dramatic" Me: lying on the floor inside a drawn pentacle and candles surrounding

✨

😂

I’m sorry I sent your husband nudes. In my defense, he asked.

spent the past hour walking around with the flashlight on my phone on
*grandpa achievement unlocked*

Oven clock, we meet again.

you’re telling me the only person i can count on is myself? the least reliable person i’ve ever met?

Dear Diary,
I found a new wrinkle today…

Shut the fuck up (flirting)

A two word horror story:

Carpeted kitchen

Ring my bell, ding-a-ling...flirting.

“I just need a pair of high top converse to take the edge off”
-recovering shoe addict

you gotta love how news networks still try and drag you along with the weather report like “we’ll be back to you with the weather report in 10min” like you can’t check your phone in two seconds

Great town 🤘