evan@0π.guru

*blushing* that guy over there is totally dancing in my direction

i used to love looking at the big planes in the sky but now they're an ominous foretelling 😫

you know what? i miss pop-ups circa 2003

billy badass? what's wrong with their ass?

if i don't proofread this text a seventh time i might miss something

my fantastic insurance company has referred me to two fucking "therapy apps" - both of which don't offer therapy! what a fun waste of two weeks trying to make progress! i fucking hate it here!!!!

A screenshot of the 10-day weather forecast for Dayton, Ohio. It shows warmer weather than expected for the next ten days with a slight dip in temperature on Sunday and Monday.

punxsutawney phil is a lil b*tch who doesn't know shit

is Charlie Boof close enough to Charlie Puth to be a funny stage name?

host: "i made these brownies myself, they're delicious"

me: *pulls out Brownie Test Kit*

host: *sweating profusely*

host: "i made these brownies myself, they're delicious"

me: *pulls out Brownie Test Kit*

host: *sweating profusely*

HELP this keeps getting funnier

Bond was set at $25,000 cash and also personal recognizance. When and if Dingus is released, electronic monitoring will also be required and he will have no driving privileges. He also cannot have contact with the victim in the case, according to Sweat.

"I'm not here to determine if (Dingus) did it intentionally or unintentionally," Fletcher said in July.

During that drive, the woman told the Dinguses about Ward - who had a warrant out for his arrest.

This entire article is incredible

WHERE'S KID?

RFK Jr visiting his friend Jeffrey Epstein’s Manhattan apartment

"i'd reckon to say i'm pretty good at eatin' ass" - me, after eating ass

sometimes when i hit my vape while it's plugged in i like to pretend i'm getting my nicotine fix directly from the electricity

i felt this gif viscerally

badass!

one of my favorite ADHD idiosyncrasies is the way i say "Ow!" when my attention is broken

A screenshot of the Apple Health app in the medications section. It shows a list of the medications I took yesterday and what time I took them. There's a neat circle for each day that fills up as you log your scheduled meds.

i don't know who needs to hear this but the iOS health app has a handy medication log feature that has been a lifesaver for me (log meds as soon as taken for best results)

hell yeah, i love that feeling when things click 🫶🏼

THEY'RE ICE SKATING TO DAFT PUNK AT THE OLYMPICS!!!

a nostalgia bomb just exploded in my head

what if instead of a billionaire tax we make a big stoner tax??

A sketch of a barn owl's ears, indicating that the ear flaps are slightly asymmetrical, with the left flap higher than the right, to allow full orientation in space.

The ears of the Superb Owl🦉are exceptional:
they're INTENTIONALLY ASYMMETRICAL to allow for not only left-right discrimination, but also "up-down" sound orientation.

This ability lets them accurately & quickly find the scurrying mouse under the leaf mold.

When you're spelling phonetically, people really don't appreciate when you say "Q as in cucumber."

Ask me how I know.

this is my new favorite inconvenient joke, thank you

when the email finds you well

if you look in a mirror and say "quad god" three times in a row Ilia Malinin appears and blows a kiss at you

why yes, as a matter of fact i *am* back on my bullshit. thank you for noticing