Shoegaze Dad (edited)

The boy with the frozen burrito

This is, without a doubt, the best clickhole headline ever

all media companies are gravely underestimating my willingness to teach teenagers how to use bittorrent

I mean he did promise to do for the world what he did for his businesses. So you know, promises kept

Bart Simpson say it meme but what he says is what a country

He does, at his own theater

Girls be like:

“_1 September._

For reasons I don't understand, every once in a while I wonder what Yakoff Smirnoff is up to

*me looking up astonished* so what sort of gator did you make this from?

this is making me laugh so hard

youtu.be/0hiUuL5uTKc

I'm hella old, but I don't remember canned Gatorade

Some Gatorade, some canned coffee, a protein shake. It is I, the king of beverages

digital continuous line drawing of a cow's face. not signed by yours truly but drawn by yours truly, macnult 🎨

moo

Spending 30 minutes recalling our favorite Onion headlines with my therapist

Happy Fucking Birthday! *slaps you on the back and gives you a side hug*

People are surprised that the party of "being a selfish piece of shit makes you a hero" keeps winning with selfish pieces of shit

Is there a Polymarket on whether or not I’ll lose my shit today because if so push all your chips to yes and remember me in your will

We're out of tech ideas so let's just add Asshole Mode to all products.

The Walkman that spits at you. The microwave that slaps you in the back of your head when you turn around. The soap that steals your identity and sells it on the dark web

I love self-help books because they are the only books I can buy that are about me

"we are living through unprecedented times". bro these times have so much precedent. these are some of the most precedented times of all time.

We couldn't even win the war on drugs

Hmmm, interesting. What else do you got though?

It's amazing how Americans have this concept of American military omnipotence, despite all the empirical evidence to the contrary of the last 50 years

Kid Rock losing up to six figures because of a canceled MAGA music festival

i love this for him

"girls be like"

Just like with the internet and open source, Microsoft haa a phenomenal ability to misread consumer desire, and will take a decade to recalibrate

Congrats!

I'm going to bring back cancel culture (try and execute war criminals)

My electric frypan died so now I have to use an acoustic one.