Patrick Cosmos

I’m scared too dude

i got a spongebob tattoo and i retweet spongebob fan accounts all the time and i went on a podcast with a spongebob influencer and told him i loved his podcast and appreciated being on. but all of my friends will "freak out" if you say i like spongebob. and well, thats basically just, totally normal

“I vant…to smoke…your veed.”

- weed dracula

His contradictory visions…

I know there’s bigger stuff but this Platner guy fucking kills me. Every disparate strain of “useless person” is on his dick in a way that feels astroturfed but I think they’re just marks who are out of ideas. You’re stupid if you spend even a second justifying his presence and I don’t respect you

I know that you’re not thrilled with Graham Platner. but the primary is only a year away and we need a mid white guy with a beard to say working class stuff and that type of person doesn’t just show up by the hundreds at any establishment everywhere in America that serves affordable beverages

Reaching 100-year-flood levels of ”is that good?”

John Fetterman is in the Senate right now this isn’t even some kind of historical amnesia we have an object lesson of what this guy is like right now

Anyone who has spent five minutes in a punk scene, even the biggest losers I ever met in my life, is smarter than any media-American trying to sanitize the guy with a conspicuous Nazi tattoo

Doppelgänger 2: Just Kidding LOL

Dumptruck

I don’t think stuff like this matters any more and it’s not my problem if it does. But if you wanted to generate a classic “problematic chapo guest” as a psyop he is lab-designed for it. Breaking the Geiger counter that measures Red Scare/Bruenig particles

Our first Unreal Engine 3 president

If Carhartt and Champion can be reclaimed as hipster brands then Gojo can too

I was having a good day until I got an email where Gucci Mane was advertising his signature Hoka shoes.

I want to see Amy Pohler perform this entire video as her character Cassie from Upright Citizens Brigade

People hate getting marketing emails but you can just go into the store and say “I think I got emailed a coupon but I’m not sure maybe i probably have it right here I’ll check my phone hold on while I check my phone real fast” and they usually just give you a discount anyways so that you shut up

Elder millennial here. Where’s my garlic aioli you fuckin bitch?

GUY YOU MEET TWENTY HOURS INTO A RESIDENT EVIL GAME AFTER BATTLING A SERIES OF INCREASINGLY MAGIC MONSTERS: All that stuff was science by the way.

when the benihana hibachi guy asks for a show of hands who has eaten here before and i'm not sure if having gone to domo 77 counts

wokewashing it by being like "a man died. he fucking died. and you want to make money off that??" is an extra insulting level of icing on the cake. kalshi i want you liquidated and everyone who works for you including giannis in permanent face/off magnet boot jail but i can't lie: this rocks

every time one of these markets dissembles and parses and weasels their way out of paying people on a technicality my heart grows three sizes like the grinch. i love to watch these people get scammed on crypto and nfts and gambling. they deserve it and it's funny and it's not my problem at all

buy a men's zip-up hoodie that doesn't have the contrasting white zipper that makes you look like you do improv challenge: impossible

A stock photo of a guy with six pairs of sunglasses all up and down his face and head

Compiling shaders

new york times when they have to report the results of this poll

Danhausen is CM Punk’s work wife

Tammy Duckworth has never met a war she didn’t like and the only good thing I can say about her is that Dick Durbin is worse than she is

The Resident Evil series has “done it again”

I have voted for, donated to and phonebanked for more democrats than every single one of these cynical useless losers. They just want to yell at people