Patrick Doyle, PhD

being in a cab on the east side is so funny because every five seconds it’s like “oh there’s a chipotle here”

I cherish every last one of them

I mean phone calls!

People who’re “on the phone” while on the train are faking it, right? There’s no way they have service when we’re fully between stations for 2 minutes.

they’re saying it’s the most whimsical hair swoop that Penn station has ever seen this early on a Monday

asking for a sample at an ice cream shop shows a weakness of character. begging people to stand in their truth and ORDER.

Smart House (1999) was a warning

can someone please let Sam Pinkleton know that i’m off book for Mary’s Husband and I can start as soon as tomorrow

here’s what Olympic figure skating taught me about B2B marketing

Is this the SF one and can I go bully

it’s 2014 and i’m being very contemplative on my walk from my dorm to a 9 am chemistry lab

Troye Sivan as Louis in the 2027 production of Sunday????

everyone in the SFO airport was hatched 3 minutes ago which is why they have no idea how to go through TSA or use a moving walkway or navigate a self-checkout or regulate the volume of their voice or be aware of their surroundings or move with any clear intent or purpose or dress themselves or

forgot to pack a hairband or hat for this work trip so i had to look like this on the treadmill this morning

This is true mostly because we ended it by slipping into a deep psychosis, getting naked, and blowing up.

I’ve actually made a career pivot recently and I’m ready to announce that I was the one who gave JD Vance all of that lip filler 🫦

i’m on a bench in coney island hitting 300 x 8

Ok! You should die

are you open to constructive criticism?

lesbians btw

they dated for like a decade but things went sour a few years back and now they don’t talk

Elizabeth Warren please tell me you have a plan for this

a freestyle machine without vanilla…an angel without its wings 💔

going to the gym is such an anthropological experience. for example, i would assume that people are there to get strong or fit, but based on my observations, some people come to get as close as humanly possible to hurting themselves and others with bad form! fascinating.

noted winter sicko James Kennedy liking this within seconds. my tea has been validated.

i love that WITHOUT FAIL every January people start posting screenshots of their weather app showing that NYC will be 15 degrees

beloved……yeah……it’s New York…..in January……what were you expecting?

It definitely felt intentional and pointed

now James. could you even imagine me doing so?

crashing out bc the TSA agent was calling everyone else sweetie but then didn’t call *me* sweetie

*grinding my teeth until they’re turned to dust* welcome to the resistance, cryptobros