jelli

literally LOL

nice and squishy

Day 2 :)

wedding

乳首責め

☺️🍑🙏

🔞更新しました！🆙

sooon.fanbox.cc/posts/11518186

acknowledging that there's really only 3 of you on this acc so hello o / thanks for reading through this. y'all really did find your way into becoming a weirdly special group of mutuals. the writing has been a good exercise for me. maybe a bit tmi this time but i really don't mind it. cheers :)

after all of that i took a real long break from talking with people because DAMN. what a trip. I've been slowly opening up to exploring my interests & sharing my world with people again but lemme tell you, that shit is HARD! and ultimately, at the end of the day its supposed to be fun.

my bf also told me something that I think helped settle my mind: it doesn't matter if the person was a fling or a friend. if you share a connection then it only makes sense that you'd grieve finality. do what you have to do to pay your respects & overcome that hill.

it's been a little over a year since i found out. I did a lot of unpacking to come to terms with other thoughts I had: the only other person I had a crazy, passionate sort of fling with in my life besides my bf was completely wiped from the world. processing grief is tuff no matter who it is.

obviously this is a crazy turn from like, hehe silly sex talk x)! sorry for no trigger warning.. but yea, that shit hurt like hell to discover. there were so many thoughts that went through my head too after... like, what must have those last moments been like? absolutely terrifying. i wept.

it was so heartbreaking too. he was almost done flying the required miles to move to commercial airlines & he was only 24 at the time. he was co-piloting a plane that was carrying a mining crew up to a very northern part of canada. there was a storm and the plane crashed. nobody survived </3

i found a news article from the city he was living in. dated only a few weeks after we stopped talking. it lined up with his departure from the internet. he died. he fuckin died dude.

he got married, bought a house and had kids.

LMFAO fucking sike, i WISH it was that. oh how i wish he had just moved on with his life.

i put on my elite stalker cap.

life pro tip: never put on the elite stalker cap.

10 times out of 10 ive regretted it.

fast forward to 2025. I actually deleted all of my stuff on reddit because I didn't really want to search for the fire again & was mostly satisfied sexually. i did have a little bit of a relapse though because damn, mr pilot was a wild experience and I REALLY wanted to know what he was up to.

I didn't want to overthink it though. i inevitably just chalked it up to "maybe he just needed a break from the internet" just set the whole thing aside and moved on with my life.

I occasionally checked in on him to see if he'd ever get back to posting. once every maybe... 3 or 4 months. nothing.

it completely got to my head; I was worried that maybe he KNEW??? that I was looking at his socials? in my head I was like, is that even possible to pin down? and, would he even care enough to look that deeply? usually people do not give a gaf after you mutually split so, something was def wrong..

like any person that uses the internet regularly, I did peruse his socials for a little bit after because im human xP. BUT?? y'all, he went completely offline. no updates anywhere. he was a frequent poster on twitter & ig and suddenly NOTHING. only like 2 weeks after we agreed to stop talking.

we have not gotten to the crazy part yet lol

obviously, like most good things, it inevitably came to an end because long distance sucks and I think I kinda pushed him away with how apprehensive I was about actually meeting in-person & also because my bf was strongly AGAINST anything beyond sexting (fair). We talked until it eventually fizzled.

the sexting was SOOOOOOOOO insane too. we were getting off every other night, like to the point I just KNOW he was not talking to anyone else because of how much time we carved out for each other hahaha. it was like one long firework in the sky :)

all of this between photos from the cockpit way above the clouds, pictures of auroras, forests of snow, a view of canada I had never seen before. I LOVE getting to see the world through pictures and people's lives. its so intimate.

this shit was sooo hot. he was like, "wtf. he must treat you real nice, but I would treat you nicer ;) come spend some time with me~, your bf is going to regret letting me get close" uh oh!!

I had to break it to him that I was, in fact, in a relationship. little did I know, some people are REALLY into that. like really... wtf. if the scenario went any other direction i would have been cooked but it was legitimately like my fantasies were all coming true at once hahaha

anyways, yeah, bro was a pilot moving up to becoming a commercial flyer for canada. I absolutely have a thing for pilots still because of this. he was literally talking about his upcoming flight that would have landed him at LAX and was offering to take me out to dinner & the whole shebang. BAD BAD

now, I still fall into this sometimes and honestly I don't like when I exclude the bf from things. occasionally I worry that people won't want to know that im in a relationship and dread the "nah, im good, i'm looking for exclusivity" I don't blame them and it's bad on my part to deny them that.

chatting with him also lined up perfectly with my vacation to london and amsterdam. the vacation was soooo perfect and there were tons of great places to take pictures. so many hotel rooms, spicy! this guy was super into it but there was one problem: I didn't tell him about my bf <>_<>

this was the first time i actually had developed my OWN interest.. I wasn't sure how to navigate that cuz, well, is that betrayal? how far was too far? if my bf didn't like where it was going, would i have to cut it off completely? but... i also just wanted to have fun, and I had been given the okay