Friends Kafka

Why do southerners think the word y'all is theirs? You don't get to own EVERYTHING

At this rate they'll be calling it the Noemberg Trials
#ICE

Drop the pretense. Those words are meaningless when spewed from the mouth of a replacement theorist. Go back to Europe since you hate America so much.

I manipulate women by bringing them over and purposely letting my dog go on the floor and then cleaning it up, thus putting the idea in her head that I'm clean

There are cultures who believe that each home has its own deity. They all have a little sign on their house that says "beware of god"

If you're a heavy sleeper, just have someone take a photo while you're sleeping and you'll wake right up. That's what my f***kin dog does anyway

The child mortality rate in the 1800s was 50%. Talk about born in the wrong generation

Booger Hiccup by Hawktuah Twins

Bought poster putty and got arrested for tacks evasion

Referring to the maternity ward as "bornhub"

spinach is queer coded

You'll hear it when i cum laud

Nationalists actually have a lot in common with Columbus. Once they die, they'll end up at the wrong location.

Thirsty is a double entendre in the near future

sting, the joke is sting. it's a lord of the rings joke and also a the police joke. you are welcome for the explanation of my very good and original joke. i expect to blow up after this. thnak you.

Fun fact, halloween is part of a broader aesthetic called ciderpunk

Never bring a knife to a gun fight. It's against the rules

Little known fact, the first ever strain of crack is called OG Bush

My girl said she could fix me, but I still ended up cheating. Whelp, guess who's getting dumped for their lying ass.

i've noticed my friends haven't been listening to me talk to myself lately

sword that sings "don't stand so close to me" when orcs are near

Bottle says refrigerate after opening but it doesnt say when to drink

I can beat up any dude who thinks he can land a plane

Dating siamese twins but they share a body and also a head

The audio clip is from death grips

I have so little faith in myself i get imposter syndrome when i make scrambled eggs

Fellas is it gay to have two first names

Just found out my sister has an onlyfans. Right now I wish I'd been an onlychild.

Me outside the crematorium

Telling the worst people I know that I can't make it to their surprise party