Chestbursty

Oh, hey, look at Jesus in his Crocs, hanging above the altar for all to bask in his comfortable glory.

In my youth I made nachos with Ruffles. I can still hear colors

The older I get the more I appreciate Ben Kenobi.

For a small subscription fee I will tell you if an account gives me the jeebies

Olympics are fine but nothing beats the thrill of watching the map with the little car carrying my pizza

have you heard about sex? it’s like porn but with odors

Anyone want to start an exfoliation club with me

Subway: EAT FRESH

The microplastics in my balls: GTFOH with that shit.

Italy's equivalent of arm candy is elbow macaroni.

I like a high necked sweater, preferably a zip-up collar. It slows down the dozens of people who try to strangle me every day

phone wallet keys lighter weed

I tried reducing my dog's polygon count to improve loading times but I accidentally rendered him as an infinitesimal one-dimensional point in spacetime and now I can't remember where I left him

Happy Birthday Day of Birth Birthmas!!!

Some people are just meant to find each other, and someday, somewhere, somehow they always do. Slipping into each other’s lives so naturally, making both hearts so happy. ❤️

Isn’t funny how non religious people don’t mock other non religious people about how much more non religious they are than you?

CADBURY CREME EGG

CUM EGG SEASON IS UPON US LFGGGGGG

I’ve already set my clocks ahead. Don’t want to miss our sea shanty rehearsal early in the mornin'

Soft purple ropes of light hanging in front of a rainbow wall of words reflected on a shiny white floor

Glimpsing adjectives through the lights

I'm not religious, but cremate me in holy water just in case

Sometimes I remember stuff that hasn’t happened yet.

Is life ever bowls full of other fruits or only ones with the pits?

When I first joined twitter a big account referred to me as “fresh meat”. Now I feel more like aged bacon.

My mother and my children's grandmother are two entirely different people.

My hair smells of apple blossom and the blood of my enemies haha what

"SHIT"
"FUCK"
"NO"
"FUCK"
"SHIT"
"FUCK"

I vaguely remember the Paul McCartney is dead rumors. But everybody knows he really died after he formed Wings.

Regrettably it appears that the new Disney/Pixar film Hoppers is NOT about the legendary actor and director Dennis Hopper.

put you on a pedestal so I can look up your skirt(consensually)

I genuinely don't understand people who want to start fights but can't finish them

feedback about a cowboy bebop sweater complaining about their own large noggin

did i show you guys this self own from a review about a sweater?