Chestbursty

Got fired from my job as a porn star bc I couldn’t stop saying GREAT CAESAR’S GHOST during the money shots

i used to smoke cigarettes. candy cigarettes. then i went on the patch. sour patch. now im clean. mr clean . in this ted talk, i will

Who up dipping pizza in gravy

Image of Jacob Wysocki screaming with poorly edited text that says "you are AN ARTIST WITH FREE WILL."

YOU ARE AN ARTIST WITH FREE WILL. YOU CAN DRAW YOUR FAVORITE THINGS. YOU ARE AN ARTIST WITH FREE WILL. YOU CAN DRAW BAD AND ITS OK. YOU ARE AN ARTIST WITH FREE WILL. YOU CAN TRY DIFFERENT MEDIUMS. YOU ARE AN ARTIST WITH FREE WILL. YOU CAN DRAW YOUR FAVES FUCKING NASTY. YOU ARE AN ARTIST WITH FREE WI

My big baby tuxedo cat lying on a bed all covered in his moulted hair and looking shocked that I would accuse him

But I am INNOCENT I tell you

Floofy black and white cat is sticking his tongue out.

Caturday blep

large authentics

Oh, hey, look at Jesus in his Crocs, hanging above the altar for all to bask in his comfortable glory.

In my youth I made nachos with Ruffles. I can still hear colors

The older I get the more I appreciate Ben Kenobi.

For a small subscription fee I will tell you if an account gives me the jeebies

Olympics are fine but nothing beats the thrill of watching the map with the little car carrying my pizza

have you heard about sex? it’s like porn but with odors

Anyone want to start an exfoliation club with me

Subway: EAT FRESH

The microplastics in my balls: GTFOH with that shit.

Italy's equivalent of arm candy is elbow macaroni.

I like a high necked sweater, preferably a zip-up collar. It slows down the dozens of people who try to strangle me every day

phone wallet keys lighter weed

I tried reducing my dog's polygon count to improve loading times but I accidentally rendered him as an infinitesimal one-dimensional point in spacetime and now I can't remember where I left him

Happy Birthday Day of Birth Birthmas!!!

Some people are just meant to find each other, and someday, somewhere, somehow they always do. Slipping into each other’s lives so naturally, making both hearts so happy. ❤️

Isn’t funny how non religious people don’t mock other non religious people about how much more non religious they are than you?

CADBURY CREME EGG

CUM EGG SEASON IS UPON US LFGGGGGG

I’ve already set my clocks ahead. Don’t want to miss our sea shanty rehearsal early in the mornin'

Soft purple ropes of light hanging in front of a rainbow wall of words reflected on a shiny white floor

Glimpsing adjectives through the lights

I'm not religious, but cremate me in holy water just in case

Sometimes I remember stuff that hasn’t happened yet.

Is life ever bowls full of other fruits or only ones with the pits?

When I first joined twitter a big account referred to me as “fresh meat”. Now I feel more like aged bacon.

My mother and my children's grandmother are two entirely different people.