mike☺︎ (silly joe armstrong)

that’s ok, who needs affordable gas anyways

I hope that someday those Kraft singles find love.

Are we in Lent yet? I want to carry on exactly as before but I need to know when to start.

I like it when food is in a rectangular bowl. I can eat like I'm highlighting text in a book.

the scotch bonnet pepper is a wretched little piece of shit and as a self back patting connisour of spicy things i will take it upon myself to punch it in the face and throw it in the road so you dont have to

*unflakes your corn*

i'm a social drinker in that i am only social when i drink

my toxic trait is that i always want to snuggle with my pet but i have a cat

if you ask me, it all went downhill after white boys stopped playing that funky music

I am officially no longer down with the sickness

one of those tall ass sandwiches from scooby-doo would go crazy right now

Happy birthday! 🥳

[3:12 am]

brain: hey wake up let's think about everything

me: what do you mean by everyth-

brain: I SAID EVERYTHING

Dubai or not Dubai, that is the question

Blocking me makes your charger ONLY work at juuuuust the right angle

My desire to wrap your car around a telephone pole.

Well, my dog agreed you're wrong.

the lion does not concern himself with 48 GB of data used

She grilled on my cheese until I tomato souped

[at a spider wedding]

congratulations to the newlywebs

The manatee is just an aquatic side boob

Who up waxing gibbous

every time i look at instagram, i feel like im the only adult who doesn't know how to make money

As soon as they changed the name to "Department of War" it was obvious that we were cooked.

RIP rory, you would have loved bsky

but i'm also grateful you didn't have to be around for any of this other shit

Weatherproof by Mast Landing
English-style Dark Mild - 4% ABV
Westbrook, ME

Family Function by Marker 48
Cream Ale w/ Coffee & Pecans - 5.4% ABV
Weeki Wachee, FL

Rhythm & Blues by St. Ambrose Cellars
Session Mead w/ Blueberry & Black Currant - 6.5% ABV
Beulah, MI

i scroll the discover feed when i have nowhere else to go