Jack Boot

quit smoking weed last week and just realized that “remembering shit” isn’t a superpower

there's so much bad in the world but there's also people who lift up and carry an elderly bat around every day so he can pretend he's flying again, and that's the part of the world I think is worth fighting for

I only want to see your hiking vlog if you mistimed it and have to walk back in the dark.

they’re bombing Iran like that’s where the Epstein files are buried

Beautiful!

"Close To You" ---latin beat

Of course.

I can see it now. Transcendent.

i used to go around on Big Garbage Night in my city where once a year people were allowed to toss unlimited junk. the amount of discarded toilets had me dreaming of a giant pyramid fountain made from old toilets. imagine that thing in the park, gushing water, all lit up at night? a civic victory.

Oh, dear!

Your toilet is just ceramics. You're taking a crap on a big white flower pot.

Slam Dancing To The Oldies!

Would it be neato if I eat some Fritos and wear a Speedo under my tuxedo?

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a coonskin hat.

Vintage comicbook panel showing a disembodied woman's head. She has short, stylish, blue-black hair, black lipstick, and red pendant earrings. She's looking fierce as she says: "This means war! I'm ready to play my last card - glamour!"

Paris Fashion Week 2026

There should be a song about that.

Alright, you kids have a nice time raging against the machine. Take a jacket.

ME: okay, how about this: a drama involving a pair of male sheep. we'll call it Bleated Rivalry

BOSS: just finish clearing out your desk

I’ve been operating under a critical whimsy deficit for a decade now.

Nature abhors a vacuum, which explains why my dog’s name is Nature.

I learned two things last night:

I shouldn’t drink while watching the news.

And I shouldn’t watch the news.

DHS nominee Markwayne Mullin is one of the most active stock-traders in the Senate — and violated the STOCK Act against insider trading as recently as last August.

He currently holds stock in L3Harris, which has millions in contracts with ICE and FEMA.

The grift continues.

I'm just trying to bank John's good opinion of me so I can draw on it when he catches me stealing "thinkings".

You guys are rocking that. :)

"Thinkings" puts it over the top.

If that goes poorly, use the little you can raise to buy a metal file and a loaf of banana bread. You know what to do.

Your math checks out.

Not at all. I smell like butterscotch and Aspercreme. But, yes, I do look like a monkey.

I don’t have a one-track mind. I have an eight-track mind.

It gets tangled easily, fades out in the middle of a thought, and is quickly wearing out.

I love how in England you can say “cunt” to anyone - a kid, the king, the chancellor of the exchequer - but heaven forbid if you use the wrong fork.