derek van vliet

drooping "i told you so" at a funeral is unimaginably gauche

i am going to watch that so i understand that reference

Ford says he's considering filling in part of Lake Ontario to build a new Toronto convention centre - TorontoToday.ca Premier says Chow is on board; mayor's office says it has 'not received a formal proposal'

men will literally terraform the earth instead of just giving a raise to a nurse

www.torontotoday.ca/local/politi...

[after a solid minute of the funeral director staring at us, i repeat]

…bunk coffins

[my wife doing stacked hands motion]

like…double decker

First time I saw The Apprentice, I thought, "Hopefully someday I will be informed of this man's every bruise or skin condition."

Markwayne is actually a noble title, and is the Oklahoma equivalent to "Marquis," and may be passed on at the same time your father gives you his car dealership

A Reductress post features a photo of Kristi Noem with the headline, “Kristi Noem Put Down for Being Too Hard to Train”

Screaming

the cast of Star Trek Voyager in street clothes awkwardly posing with late-90s computer hardware and consumer electronics

this is what it feels like to post on bluesky

Well, what a wild ride this has been

This is what heroin must feel like

Store aisle shelves stuffed on one side with inflatable ducks faces the other, stuffed with inflatable flamingos.

some shit is about to go down

Uh-oh! Worst person you know learned therapy words

this skeet is dedicated to the Brave Mujahideen Fighters of Afghanistan

Me to Paul Newman’s family at the funeral: may his memory be a dressing

A giant black Ford F-650 truck

I am forced to choose between buying my Boy Kibble or filling up my car to get to my email job

it's okay to socially ostracize parents who won't vaccinate themselves or their children, in fact we should be doing it as a rule

Cartoon titled "know the work rules". The first panel, labeled "appropriate" depicts Garfield the cat in a business suit leaning around the edge of a cubicle and pointing to a woman at her desk while saying, "coffee lasagna Mondays am I right?" to which the woman responds, hands clasped together, "awww you're so funny" The second panel, labeled "inappropriate", depicts a far side cow leaning around the edge of the same cubicle and speaking with a word bubble which contains only the shapes of the 4 cow tools. The woman fearfully picks up the Phone and says, "hello , complaint department??!"

know the funny papers rules

pan of cute biscuits decorated to look like faces

same pan baked, a horrific fucked up mass of evil

how it started/how it's going

you're right, we should do this

this is like if bluesky projected winners based on a word cloud

Me posting my hot take on Bluesky

still of a weiner dog running on an ice rink like they were built for this

she got that dog in her

A minor league hockey team had a wiener dog race. Zero thoughts, just vibes and absolute chaos. A thing of beauty

Who can reply: anyone, nobody, people who can be normal about it.

trying out a new feature, lmk if it works

have you ever waited until it was safe to turn left instead of blocking the box? oh it drives the fellas just batty

It's kind of wild how driving the speed limit feels like an act of resistance against car culture